The other morning, I woke up with a splendidly awful hangover so I promptly poured out half a bottle of vodka. I really wish I hadn't done that, I hate being left to my own devices when I'm feeling so depressed and lonesome.

I watched the latest Harry Potter movie with my sister and two friends. When they all went home I just feel kinda shocked and sad to be all alone again. I drove home and started to cry, thinking about all the things that were bothering me so.

I got home to my empty apartment that smelled of cleaner from scrubbing the tub, promptly noticing a roach crawling in my sink. DISGUSTING! I angrily sprayed him with water from the extend-able faucet which forced him down the disposal and I turned it on, grinding him up. Then I fell guilty because he probably had a family and didn't deserve to die.
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And now I am going to go wander aimlessly around Target and listen to The Cure on my iPod.
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Heyyyyy what's it gonna take 'til I am alright?

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What does Thanksgiving mean to me?

Preparing for the day with a huge masturbation session -- five orgasms. Happy Thanksgiving.

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She shows no emotion at all, stares into space like a dead china doll.

---- Elliott Smith
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I feel like being bipolar is a sickness, a flu I will never be rid of.

A disgusting disease that plagues my every day life, in which I never feel okay.

I am always ill.

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Honestly, I am just so depressed. I spend every night alone. I don't ever see anybody, my agoraphobia and introversion is crippling.

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I don't know what to say.

I'm drinking vodka straight from the bottle.

I am so tired.

My apartment is empty and lonely.

I'm fucking 25.

I just got off of work.

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I have - no money, no food, no heat.

You'd think that working would get you more than that.....

I don't know why I'm starting to write on here again, but my friend started an interesting blog on here so I figured maybe I would pick this up again.

I hate feeling like life is so hard.

I called my parents tonight and I was crying. Sometimes I feel like the only people I can talk to are a certain close friend and my parents.

I wish I had more to say but everything is jumbled and I can't sleep. My brain isn't working correctly.

At least the withdrawals are subsiding and I don't feel angry anymore.

I just keep listening to this song on repeat.

Don't think about all those things you fear.

Just be glad to be here.

Don't think about all those things you fear.

Just be glad to be here.

Don't think about all those things you fear.

Just be glad to be here.

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